Answers to exam questions

These are real answers given by students in Britain in exams.

Name the four seasons.
Salt, mustard, pepper, vinegar

What changes happen to your body as you age?
When you get old, so do your bowels and you get inter-continental

What is a common treatment for a badly bleeding nose? Circumcision

"I've said goodbye to my boyhood, now I'm looking forward to my adultery."

"I always know when its time to get up when I hear my mother sharpening the toast.

"Artificial insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull."

"Cows produce large amounts of methane, so the problem could be solved by fitting them with catalytic converters."

"The process of flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists."

"The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader"

"Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire."

"A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold."

"Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas."

"The body consists of three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five - a, e, i, o and u."

"To prevent contraception: wear a condominium."

"To keep milk from turning sour: keep it in the cow."

"The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects."

"The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch meat to."

"The tides are a fight between the Earth and Moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight."

"A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is."

Taken from BBC.co.uk.